What is Bicycle Polo?
The pastime of the PPAAH (Polo Players Association who are Allergic to Horses)?
Is it a fallback for those who can’t swim?
Or for Hockey players with Cryophobia?
Maybe even a sport for the unmotivated rebellious upper-middle-class country club loving Republican youth in denial hipsters?
I would say, NAY! It is one of the most intense and fascinating sports that the ESPN-brainwashed world has never heard of (second only to Ultimate).
The 2011 World Hardcourt Bike Polo Championships came to Seattle this past weekend. Champions from five continents descended upon Magnuson Park; a fitting venue for a sport of this magnitude. Pride and honor were at stake, so let us begin with the final day of action:
International rivals, The Guardians, representing the TWO ZERO SIX battled hard with The Crazy Canucks from East Vancouver. Tragically, The Guardians fell in OT and into the losers bracket.
Next came the elimination match for the ‘Merica’s second best, Milwaukee Bike Polo. These Middle Americans battled fiercely, but were no match for the international force that is Iron Ponies:
^sad Freds.
A hard fought battle ensued. Riders were felled, blood was spilled and feelings were occasionally hurt. Canada prevailed. France was pissed:
While this international skirmish ensued, The Guardians had defeated Iron Ponies to earn a spot in the semis against Call Me Daddy. The winners would face East Van in the finals. The hometown favorites (in darks) rolled onto The Brooks Court with thunderous approval, and the battle in Seattle was fierce:
Alas, it was not America’s day…
The Finals – East Van v. Call me Daddy.
Sacredieu! A French-Canadian final?! North America backed their friendly resident, while the French garnered the support of the rest of the field. Being the only undefeated team of the day, the Canadians had swagger:
With one loss, Call Me Daddy needed two wins to become World Champions
Regulation ended in a tie. A Canadian goal would win it all. A French goal would prolong their day…
…and Canada scored on their first shot of OT.
ANNNNND there you have it. Until next time, Rick Perry fans.